Amended Report to HERS SA on Bryn Mawr HERS Summer Institute 2005

Amended Report to HERS SA on Bryn Mawr HERS Summer Institute 2005

This report is intended to report of my experience of the HERS Summer Institute at Bryn Mawr in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, from 26 June to 22 July 2005.

Lets start in SA with the application. The invitation to apply came on the first of April and due date was 22 April. The last three days before the due date, I had not yet received the library director’s recommendation. I had e-mailed my request to Dr Balintulo with the recommendation form and my CV, as well as a short motivation as to why I wanted to go. Dr Balintulo did his bit wonderfully. My director however told me to write the motivation myself and he would sign it. I did this. I collected the signed document the Friday afternoon, on the day that the application was due and dropped it off myself, or rather pushed it under the closed door of the HERS SA office.

The news of my selection came a week later as promised.

Next was getting the US visa. I went to the website and read everything, collected everything I needed and made the appointment for the morning of 23 May 2005. The afternoon I could collect my passport. I was amazed that I got it on the same day and that I did not have any further hassles.

Then came the pre-Institute work. Unfortunately, the pack was snail mailed, which included username and password of the Web page with the pre-institute assignments. It arrived two weeks before we were due to leave. The day after I received the pack, I became sick with flu and was in bed for a week. The following week I had a two-day WCHELIG event – workshop and colloquium, and the Friday had meetings the whole day. The following Thursday we were due to leave.

I had three days to interview CPUT’s executive management, who were all very busy. I e-mailed the questions with the necessary background. I called the one of the two interim Finance directors as he was leaving his office on his way to US, himself. I also made frantic calls to the media and communications office for anything with CPUT on it. Finally got hold of Annette Grobbelaar in Student Affairs who had been given special permission to do various items with CPUT Student Affairs on it; without a logo of course as CPUT has still not branded. I am now waiting for my mailbag from USA to arrive so that I can pull out some of the student affairs presentations etc to share with her.

I did this at the same time as I was trying to clear my desk to leave as well as I could. Also created my own blog on the web at http://www.highedlibrarian.blogspot.com/ and did my first posting. I also posted off a paragraph for the LIASA In Touch on my selection to attend the Summer Institute.

Time to leave came all too soon. I packed the last of my goodies in my brand new cabin trolley that morning. My sister picked me up at home, then to my mom’s place to pick up mom and my son and off to the airport. After I had booked in, I bought postcards of Cape Town. On the other side of the security gate I met Chairmaine. And when we boarded we discovered that we were sitting next to one another. We thought that was a good start. We shared out last minute rushing and discussed the pre-institute work that we had not done. We landed in Johannesburg airport and split up. Me in search of the prayer room and Charmaine in search of a travel iron.

When I arrived at the International terminal, the que for customs and immigration was so long I was sure I would miss my flight. I finally got through and sped off to the gate with only 20 minutes to spare before departure. I had vision of banging on a closed door. As I neared the gate, I was very much relieved that the passengers for my flight had not yet boarded. To make a long story short, my relief soon turned into anxiety as to whether we were ever going to take off, and gratitude for my family for packing pad-kos; oranges, biscuits and chocolate, which Charmaine and I shared. When we finally boarded at another gate, we met up with Shaleen, Tembeka and Nandipa. Charmaine kneeled to tie her show laces and missed the quick introductions. The plane finally departed 2 hours later, but with the fuel properly checked out.

A very long flight in an extremely uncomfortable seat, followed, with a one-hour stop over, that included a security check on Dakar and with our cabin baggage on our laps. It also included being sprayed twice with pesticide or something. We arrived 2 hours late of course. On JFK airport, New York, we qued for immigration and when I got to the counter another security person came over- could have been co-incidence of course- photographed, finger printed and questions answered satisfactorily, I could go collect my baggage and go through customs. When we were all through immigration and custom we joined another que where we were to be for the next three hours. We were assured we would be given other bookings as we had of course missed our flight. It was during the wait in the que in an area where there were no toilets, no phones and nothing to eat that we got our first impression of the US, and the service. By comparison, South Africa is top of the class. Later I gained a little more perspective but did not dissuade too much from that first impression. We had been given a voucher for a taxi to take us to La Guardia.

Unfortunately the taxi driver arrived with a car and very irritatedly said he cannot take all of us; we have too much luggage for the car. Each of us had about two pieces and a handbag and the woman who made the arrangements should really have ordered a van in the first place. Eventually Charmaine and I, whose luggage he decided would fit, went along with him in the car to La Guardia where we waited for the others to arrive. All this time we are anxious that we will miss our flight again. When we went inside to book in, we first had to explain ourselves again, then there was a problem with the baggage allowance, which we sorted out, but we still had to even out the weight in our cases. During this time Nandi had left her vanity bag in the que just behind us, then someone decided the baggage was unattended and called security. Eventually, our bags were booked in but we had to take it to be scanned ourselves first and then it was put on the conveyer belt.

But wait the saga is not over yet. We were all marked for secondary security searching, so through the gate, off with the shoes, spread the arms, first right foot forward, then left foot forward, then our hand baggage had to be opened and checked. Then the guy did not want me to open my own bag so that I could get the key for my vanity bag and had to explain this to him first. Again all of this while we are all anxious that we would miss our flight again.

The run/rush all the way to the other side where the gates were for boarding our flight, seemed extra long. We arrived at the gate as it was opened for boarding. I must say when I saw the airplane, I nearly turned back. If I was not so tired and desperate to get food, shower and a bed, I would have. The thing was quite old and was probably manufactured in the 60’s.

It was a very bumpy flight and I was glad for my travel tablets. We arrived in Philadelphia and of course the baggage collection point is right on the other side of the terminal. By the time we had given up on Tembeka’s suitcase, it was past five. Shaleen called Bryn Mawr and Marissa agreed to wait for us. We trekked with our suitcases out of the terminal to where the transport is out of the airport. While Shaleen and Tembeka went off to find out how to call for a taxi and where to find it, Nandi, Charmaine and I stayed with the suitcases. Some of us took the opportunity to take pictures. Then we all trekked with our suitcases to the taxi. It would cost us $20 each. Of course at this point we would have paid anything. All our suitcases packed in and our selves finally comfortable seated, the driver paid, he wanted to know where we are going. It became apparent at this time that the driver, a Nigerian or Somalian did not know where Bryn Mawr is. By the time that we arrived it was 6:30 PM, and we had been taxing around Bryn Mawr for at least 30 minutes more than we should have. By the time we arrived at Haffner, our home for the next month, we all knew each and was comfortable with one another.

For the Saturday and Sunday morning we were to eat in Haffner’s dining room. This is when we met Cynthia. This worked well. Denise arrived from Boston on Saturday and we could all eat together and have conversation with one another and with Cynthia.

It was during this time that Shaleen talked about how a guest lecture had criticized a SA president, Thabo Mbeki to the point that it was personal, and how uncomfortable it had made her feel. I had also attended lectures and read the press where he was severely criticized and I had felt that he was a bit of a ninny to complain about it. It was about a week later, after the first week of the Summer Institute that I reflected on this again as we were doing politization of HE. In our group discussion on how the Republican party was mobilizing students to blacklist academics who were critical of the government. It occurred to me that firstly the US is regressing; and reminded me of the 80’s in SA and secondly we are free-er than the land of the free, in freedom of expression. Perhaps we are too critical and that we are no longer sensitive to what is the line.

I was able to blog, but it became more difficult reporting after the first week

The first week was focused on the US external environment, co-ordinated by Sheila Kaplan. A woman with a knack for offending entire groups of people. I loved her way of putting things. Cynthia made very sure that I was part of a group for every group discussion during the first day or so. Soon after we were allocated to groups with a person indicated who would report back or chair the discussion. I could at first not understand why Cynthia was so concerned about me being part of a group. It became clear to me. I was a bit of an unknown entity, all the South Africans were, but I was a little more so. I could not really find a connection with the group I was allocated too. They were also for the most part there with their institutional hat on; showing off really. If one person related how good their institution did, then the others felt compelled to give a better story. Perhaps they felt that they needed to represent their institution well. I felt no such compulsion, but did have to explain the context of where my contribution comes from. This was very tiresome. We only did the panel discussion in the 3Rd week. I later discovered that they were wondering what we were doing there; the SA-cohort as Cynthia took to calling us. Some thought that we were consultants!

I had particular difficulty with two things. Firstly, I had expected an international programme not an American one. It took me all of the first week to deal with that. Secondly, I began to wonder what I am supposed to gain from it.

Diversity is spoken as if it is a thing outside of themselves and some kind of problem that needs to be solved. I became impatient and did not mince my words when it came to the first week of group discussions. But must admit at the end of that week, that I wondered what difference my contribution will make. Sure the group listened, and once when I had been particularly critical of their campus life and their society, and a second of silence ensued. But I am sure they dismissed my contribution as not of particular relevance. I now think that they need another perspective from elsewhere in the world, as much as we do on the HERS –SA Academy, from the rest of Africa. We in SA have been so cut off from the rest of Africa, we know more about the US, UK and EU higher education systems than we do about the rest of Africa.

We also took the Myers-Briggs in the first week. I was very adverse to doing it, and wearing the label that comes with it. I scored a very strong E in ENTJ. I knew of course that it was incorrect as I am very much an I. I had become an E because I had begin to live a more public life and had to become that in order to do what I wanted to.

Back to the Summer Institute, everyone at some point identified themselves as either an E or an I, faculty, current participants, alumns etc. I started doing it myself.

The second week things were a little better with regards the groups. We had been allocated to our cabinet in the Academic environment. Adrian and Pat were funny; Adrian for her drawl and Pat her dry humor. Our group decided to draw strips with the role on it. I ended up with the president and did not want it, also knew that Denise would rather want it. Denise is an African American woman who is in her 30’s, whom I met in my very first group discussion. She wanted to become a president and had been working and planning with that in mind for all her working life. I swopped and took the role of treasurer. I noticed how people got completely into their roles, and voices changed etc. I thought some went a bit overboard, and must admit that I did not really get into my role.

By mid of the second week, having attended every session, I was starting to feel it and missed one of the cabinet meetings. I was in culture shock and missing home. The week started out badly. As part of July 4th morning session, a group of us who had gone to Hershey’s – world of chocolate- were going to hand out chocolate for those who pitched on July 4th. As I was making my way down in the semi-dark Thomas 110, I missed my step and fell flat on my face, with a great big thump. Shaleen told me afterwards that it was very dramatic. I had hit the floor before I knew I was falling. My jaw hit the front of the stage/platform and afterwards I had a bruise on my knee. I was slightly dazed, but Cynthia stepped in immediately and kept everyone else at bay, while Marcia Caton , nurse from LaGaurdia University, checked me out, while I was sitting on the step I missed in Thomas 110. . This kind of set the tone for the rest of the week. I was not having fun.

(Afterwards other people told me that they had also tripped, more than once on that stepped and in fact Deborah Fournier actually landed in Cynthia’s lap. Lisa told me that someone at a previous Summer Institute actually tumbled down the same steps and broken their nose. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and felt grateful that I had come off with a bruise)

During this time I also became aware of the SA Harvard scholarship- the network at work. The due date was going to be while I was still there and I was going to do it electronically, and send my records in when I get back home. But I was not having a good time and decided that I was not going to do apply because I definitely do not want to come back to the US. Back home now, I have changed my mind.

Third week, and the beginning of the Institutional environment interspaced and with parallel session with personal development. The last two weeks was really the most usefull. Lynn Gangone is a dynamic person and is really in-touch with what is current and is bringing in a younger generation of people who knows their stuff. I absolutely adored Judith Katz for being a psychologist who does not suffer fools gladly, and did not care that she was not being politically correct. Her sessions were particularly good.

For the dyad, Pamela Dube – HE Policy office of the SA DoE. and I decided to work together. A presentation etc in front of the camera, with Vanita Kelly giving feedback. Both Pamela and I agreed that we would work smart and presented from a seated position what we would do for the SA Panel. Venita Kelley’s feedback and the way she did it was really positive, focusing on our strengths. I would have liked more time with her, especially with re gender context of communication.

SA cohort had been meeting across a week, I think, talking about each of our work situation and aspirations. When we had to pick our triad, we had already done a lot of work. Pamela, I and Nandi met with someone who had been a president amongst others. The career map was really very difficult for me to do and expressing myself on paper was cathartic but I also felt exposed and vulnerable. Anyway, the meeting went well enough.


The SA cohort also met with Tina whilst there and we had a few meetings with Cynthia and Judith. The last meeting left me feeling very bad. I mentioned this to Shaleen and she said would rather do feedback when we are back home. I agreed that this was a better idea and that I would do the same. I spoke to Judith afterward and said the same to her. So I will be sharing another edition of this report with Judith, Cynthia and Adrian.

I had always planned that I would do my Ph.D in LIS when my son was settled in school. Since, he is in grade R now, I have been thinking about a topic, without anything really interesting coming up or coming to mind. Whilst there, in the conversation I had with the SA-cohort, the SA-cohort with Cynthia etc, and on my own reflection I found a topic that I thought worth investigating. Our career advisor also seemed to think that now was a good time to do this.

On my return home I have spoken to the heads of both the Library schools in the Western Cape. Both Professor Underwood at UCT and Genevieve Hart at UWC think my topic is worth investigating, is timely and important to do. I want to look at Women library directors in Africa (perhaps southern, SADC, or commonwealth countries) within in the Higher Education context. I will need funding for this. I heard for the first time of SANPAD at the WHEEL launch and will be following that up. I would not have been invited had Denise Zinn not ensured an invitation for me- the SI/HERS SA network at work.

The resumè writing session was extremely useful and I will be using the technique of PAR or STAR as I know, as suggested by Judith Katz, to determine what I really enjoy doing most. I will also try-out the resumè in job application as opposed to a full CV. The group session with Judith was also very important to me because of the positive descriptive words or phrase that we had to give each one the group. The intention of which was to help one another find ways to describe ourselves when it came to job interview. Many people use the word mysterious to describe me. Don’t think I could use that in an interview.

As I said to the very first group, I had planned my career up to the point of getting my Masters thesis. Post my master’s I had been actively involved in my professional association – LIASA. Mid- 2003 to end 2004 I had been acting in a deputy library director position. All of this had kept my head and hands very busy. However, the question of “What will you do with your one wild and wonderful life” had been nagging at me during this time; in particular, at the beginning of this year when I had to go back to my old position, which did not engage all of my self. Events at work this year had put me at odds with both my colleagues and management. I had begun to feel completely outside and beyond myself. I wanted the time at the Summer Institute to be for me and to be quiet to listen to myself. I was being deliberately and naturally introspective about what had happened and what I wanted to do with my life. So I had lots to think about. But I was also open to the learning experience. So perhaps I should have also opened myself to my classmates, especially because I am a muslim and the ant-muslim atmosphere prevailing there.

After the first bombing in London on 7 July 2005, I got a very distinct feeling that I was not safe and after the second bombing on 21 July 2005, two weeks later, it was worse. Although I felt safe within the context of the Summer Institute, the surrounding climate was not so. The shop assistant in one of the bookstores in Bryn Mawr looked at me with an expression of distaste and even contempt when I asked her for assistance. Although I noticed the expression I continued with my request. By this time however, I was not surprised by this attitude, but I am certainly not used to such open and blatant prejudice back home. I began to think that I needed to say something about it at the Summer Institute. However, firstly, I never apologise or explain who I am. People have to accept me for the person that I am. Secondly, I resented the fact that a group of people who calls themselves Muslim and who does not represent Muslims the world over and in particular, not Islam (which is a religion of peace, the root of the word Islam is the same as the word Salaam, which means peace) now put me in a position where I now had to explain myself. One of the women at the Institute, DG with whom I felt particularly comfortable, had a daughter in London when the bombing took place. She had already been worried about her daughter before the bombings and this made it triply worse of course.

The SA Panel discussion went very well and was very well received. In preparing for the discussion however, I reflected on the transformation of Cape Technikon, in Dr Balintulo’s era. I wondered though that we still did not have enough women in Senior positions. I came to conclude that Dr Balintuli is very concerned about it and put his money where his mouth is. It is at middle management level of the institution that the problem is. Even the transformation officer is male.

We ran out of time with the panel discussion and there was no time for questions. Lots of women mentioned that they would like to come to SA.

Little librarians get-togethers
Amongst these was one of the two librarians at the Summer Institute. I was able to remind them that the IFLA annual conference will be held in Durban in 2007. Michele and I thought we could do a paper together at the conference. We would also want to work on extending the SI experience for the next lot of librarians from SA who attends. These should definitely be librarians who have not had an opportunity to have gone overseas before.

We also had a lunch time session with Florence, assoc. director and CIO of Bryn Mawr, and SI alum. We also met with Nancy Allen, Dean and Director of DU Library. However, the time was not enough. I would really have wanted to see the behind the scenes operation of Bryn Mawr and the other libraries in the consortium. In retrospect, I should really have been more selective in what I attended and not persisted in attending everything. On the other hand, I did not really feel safe to move around on my own and would have convinced the other two librarians- who as a breed are very conscientious- to skip class and go with me.


BMSI
The programme is well constructed and is jam packed. It had been developed with care and thought. The evaluation at the end of the month, and changes made ensures that the programme remains current. I am grateful to having had the opportunity to attend and meet the women. The themes of diversity and transformation/change management are well established. The theme of globalization/internationalization which is newer needs to be more fully explored in the first two weeks, and not in the 3rd week when there is so much going on.

The documentaries were powerful and have to be continued in the programme. It shows the younger generation, some of whom are a bit arrogant, and probably feel that they have made it so far so soon on their own steam because they have worked hard. However, women who had traveled the road before us have forced doors open. For myself, the athletics theme is probably the most foreign to me, and I never considered that women who had been in athletics had had such a difficult time of it. The movie dealing with the women in wilderness experience was probably the most instructive in how we break one another, we expect such perfection from one another as women.

The fact that the programme is a month long provides a firm basis for an active network. It took the women two weeks to relate to one another as individuals. At this point enough shared experiences and person-to-person contact had taken place for the women to begin to feel like a community. This is also the mid-point, and the realization that this will come to an end; that in a short while you will go back to your normal life whatever that means for each of the women, and that you will miss the place and the faces. It also takes this period of time that for the women to begin to discard of the masks and the many roles they play in their normal life, and to be themselves. The point that I really began to feel that I was part of the Women of Summer 2005, was the Lifestyles session and the group discussion there after. I had not considered that these women too had to suffer lots of difficulties and that everyone had their own story to tell. I believe that this –the month long experience- is what makes the Summer Institute truly unique and life changing, and what makes the network work.

It is also perhaps what made the HERS SA network a passive one. We only have a week in the 3rd quarter and people do not have enough time to establish a strong enough bond and cemented relationships that continue beyond the Academy. We need to increase contact time between the women and make it a safe place for women, and enough time for trust to be established amongst the women.

Some of the terminology in the US that I did not understand is the reference to the Academic boot camp that some women described the Institute as. I also do not get why saying that I am telling a story about my experience was described as a powerful statement. I have some more terms that I did not initially understand. Charmaine made a list and I would be happy to add when my mailbag finally arrives.

Some of the presentation that resonated (in addition to those posted to the blog):
Sheila Kaplan on politization of HE. Consider our nationally driven HE in the hands of people who are not interested in common good., career politicians. Those in the past would have considered what they did in the interest of common good.
Vanita Kelley as already mentioned.
John Bardo on strategic planning - on reflection a week later, not at the time. Liked the model that started with values.
Lynn Gangone and the book reframing the organization and values of the organisation tied to John Bardo’s strategic planning.
R. Barbara Gittenstein- all though I thought she was a good politician and could play an audience well, I enjoyed her and her Provosts presentation. Her fireside chat in particular was inspiring.
Charles Sorensen – for his honesty in his presentation and the huge effort he put into fixing things he had not paid attention to.
Kevin McAteer for his approachability and ease of style in looking at fundraising. US is very good at his. They have working for them the individuals who are extremely wealthy, their philanthropy, the establishment of a sense of community and belonging with their donating alums. SA campuses tend to be non-residential and many people like me, never really identified with the institution that they studied at.
Beverly Ledbetter – for making legal issues interesting, funny and relevant, and picking on quiet people.
The closing session led by Cynthia was probably the most difficult for me to bear but the most inspiring to see how a participant like Jennifer Brown, who was so shy that she could not hold your gaze when she spoke, held the entire class when she spoke at the closing session.

Post BMSI
We moved into Wyndham the Friday afternoon and were all set to leave on Saturday morning, took the last pictures, said our goodbyes, posted the mailbags and qued at the airport to discover that we were not going home yet. Back to Wyndham, and went shoe shopping on Sunday- nothing like retail therapy to relieve the restlessness. But the SA Cohort had some more time to spend with one another, process and put things in perspective.

I was very relieved that I would be traveling with someone else, and with Shaleen in particular because she is white; to balance that fact that I am not. I don’t think that I have ever been as conscious of my otherness and not fitting in as I did in the US. I also felt my own identity as South African, Cape Malay/coloured, muslim woman so much more when I came back to SA. Someone told me that it is normal for identity to be felt more strongly when you have been traveling outside your country.

Shaleen and I traveled on the Monday. Judy Olson, one of the Women of Summer 2005, gave as a lift to the airport. We waited two hours for our flight- Shaleen wanted to go early out of consideration for Judy I think. We booked our luggage through to Cape Town, went through security, less strict now, found a seat and waited. We both had books that we wanted to read.

At some point Shaleen asked first how are we, as Muslims in SA, affected i.t.o others reaction to us. My answers to her questions did not satisfy. This was however not a good conversation to have on the airport with a bunch of scared US and other travelers around us.

We boarded the plain for New York. The plain again made me want to turn back but home was calling. We were seated next to each other. I know that we arrived at NY, got our boarding tickets but have no clear memory of it. I know that I got my boarding tickets for both NY and Amsterdam, and Shaleen was told to get her boarding ticket in Amsterdam. We arrived in Schiphol and I could immediately feel that I was in a different place. I saw Schiphol airport in a blur, reminded me of space station as depicted in the movies, as we rushed from one side of the airport to the other in order to get a boarding ticket for Shaleen. When we finally boarded row by row, Shaleen and I got separated and I saw her on flight briefly and then again when we landed. We arrived at about 22:00 in Cape Town. I was so tired but so very happy to be back home. I waited for 30 minutes for my luggage to come through. Finally back home, into bed as soon as possible because on CHEC training the next day. Was late for training all three days. Asked to have Monday and Tuesday off, was refused because the integrated after hour roster would be implemented as of 1 August. Spent the weekend cleaning my house and unpacking myself and my son, dragged myself to work for three days. Then could take Thursday and Friday off, was able to have a long weekend with public holiday the Tuesday and University holiday the Monday. Did some retail therapy and felt that I had overcome my jet lag.

During that first 2 weeks back I was concerned about the other women and only really came to rest when all of them was back in the country and I had heard from all of them.

Lisa got the Summer 2005 list going immediately and it was great to have that list and conversation going so quick to combat the sense of isolation and loss of the company and the vibe of the women of 2005. I also had to deal with the fact that I was know in a position that I did not want- Faculty Librarian for BI, but that was where I was needed.

Dr Balintulo came to visit on the 16th of August. He remembered me and I was pleased that he did; but also slightly chastised when he asked when I arrived back. I got sick the following day with flu again.

I made an appointment and met with him on the 25th of August 2005. I had a 30min slot that went on for 45 minutes with him. He was very interested and I gave him a copy of the programme. I thanked him for his support and for him replying to my e-mail. He wanted to know whether it helped and I said yes enormously because it helped me focus on the issues that he raised. I talked about Sorenson, DL Wormley Fundraising, Virginia Hicks, diversity, the merger and my plans for a Ph.D. and a number of other things.

Managed to see Ms Vuyisa Tanga the following week 31 August or Thursday 1 September, gave her the owl and she was pleased with it. I discovered that she was there with Naledi Pandor in 1993. I was extremely pleased with the company I am in as a graduate of the Summer Institute. Had a frank conversation with her. Took the opportunity to thank her for pushing the implementation of the integrated roster through.

Still to do :
LIASA in Touch – the article for the December issue, deadline 14 October 2005
Session to fellow librarians. Scheduled for 2nd week in October
Heita – get an article in there
Maureen – Dean of education and Jabu – international affairs about possible collaboration and study abroad from and to Wisconsin.

In conclusion, many, many thanks for the opportunity and to everyone one involved in making it happen, especially to the Andrew W. Mellon Foundation and Cynthia Secor. I think that our presence at the Institute did make a difference, and linked women on two continents. Benefits to me I cannot yet fully realize, but in time I will rise to the expectation of the Summer Institute.